What would I tell my younger self? “You can be healed of a fear of rejection”

Let's continue this series of things I would tell my younger self. I believe a major area that robbed me was not understanding that I had the responsibility and authority to experience peace, love, and joy. Additionally, and more importantly, not understanding what God says about such things in the Bible.

My lack of understanding kept me in a cycle of low self esteem. I felt as if I was unable to control my emotions at all, my whole life was based on how I felt. May I say I believe emotions are incredible and wonderful and can be a helpful indicator, but they can also be fickle and change like the wind. Personally, I can feel one way about something one day maybe because of hormones, an interaction with someone or a need of a snack and nap! Yet my feelings have influenced huge life decisions. For years I behaved according to how I felt, day to day.

When I reflect on how I reacted to feelings, the first thing that comes to mind is a wall of defence.

Anytime someone disagreed with me, seemed bored when talking to me, upset with me, or critiqued me, that wall would come up.

The Bible explains in Proverbs 4:23 (GNT), “Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.”

This revelation of power in our thoughts and their ability to influence our actions is echoed in Proverbs 23:7 (NKJV) “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”

Taking that scripture and applying it to me, my thought responses to situations looked like this:

Situations: I share a song and someone says, “Thats rubbish.”

My thoughts: They won’t like me as much now because that think my music is rubbish!”

I had regular thoughts such as:

“You don’t like me now.”

“You don’t accept me and the things I like.”

“You think I’m stupid.”

“You don’t care.”

I feared rejection. So much so, that I got to the stage that I couldn’t handle any sort of critique or disagreement. With that, I ran towards anything that gave me a sense of being wanted and accepted. This lead to multiple unwise, difficult, sometimes dangerous situations which caused emotional pain to me and others. Each situation leaving me feeling more and more broken, abandoned and worthless.

When I accepted Jesus into my life in 2014, my world changed. The first thing I experienced was peace, tangible peace, like a weight lifted off me instantly. The moment I said the salvation prayer and became a born again Christian, I hadn’t changed my life around, done a good deed or overcome any of my ‘bad habits.’ I just received the pure peace of God which is a free gift of His grace, received by faith.

Jesus talks about this peace in John 14:27 (ESV)

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

The Bible is powerful, living and active, useful for teaching us and helping us right now, in this day and age (2 Timothy 3:16). My eyes opened to The Bible and I quickly began to experience the truth in it, though I still didn’t understand many things. Being rooted in a Bible believing church is so important and with the support of my Pastors, other people and The Holy Spirit, things started to make sense.

I began to learn some foundational things about what it means to be a born again believer in Christ such as:

• You are forgiven of every sin, by God’s Grace.

“For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.”

Colossians 1:13-14 (NLT)

• You are a child of God.

“Yet all of this was so that He would redeem and set free those held hostage to the law so that we would receive our freedom and a full legal adoption as his children. And so that we would know that we are his true children, God released the Spirit of Sonship into our hearts—moving us to cry out intimately, “My Father! My true Father!” Now we’re no longer living like slaves under the law, but we enjoy being God’s very own sons and daughters! And because we’re His we can access everything our Father has—for we are heirs because of what God has done!”

Galatians 4:5-7 (TPT)

• No matter how others treat you, God loves you.

“My father and mother may abandon me, but the Lord will take care of me.”

Psalm 27:10 (GNT)

• You don’t have to fear. God promises to never leave you.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.””

Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV)

• God is pleased with you.

“He helped me out of danger; He saved me because He was pleased with me.”

Psalm 18:19 (GNT)

• You are fully accepted by God.

“You will bring God glory when you accept and welcome one another as partners, just as the Anointed One has fully accepted you and received you as his partner.”

Romans 15:7 (TPT)

• God has always passionately loved you.

“Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.”

Jeremiah 31:3 (NLT)

To me, these revelations express: Knowing that I am forgiven, I am loved and accepted, I have God on my side, He is pleased with me, He cares for me and no matter what, He will never leave me. How can I fear?

We know that in this life we can experience difficulties, loss, heartache and abuse. But through Christ, nothing is impossible, we are never alone, we are unconditionally loved by the one who created us and we can walk hand in hand with Him, no matter what comes our way.

When I had these revelations, life didn’t all of as sudden become trouble free. The challenges were opportunities for me to really put this into practice. The choice was, will I go about my life fearing if others will leave or hurt me and thinking I am worthless? Or will I rest in the love and protection of The One who loves me and will never leave me and trust He made me with purpose? I chose the latter and it has helped me to increase in confidence, be more secure in relationships and make wiser choices. By all means I still get it wrong sometimes, by I’m no longer bound and chained by fear of rejection and abandonment. My vision and hope for my future is good and no matter what happens, I have God who has got me through.

I don’t know what you have experienced in your life or know where you are at in terms of your thoughts towards yourself or others. But right now, know that God is for you. God loves you. God has a plan and a purpose for you no matter what it looks like or feels like. If we can get beyond just living by feelings, we can shape our thoughts on the truth in The Word and our feelings will eventually catch up.

The Bible says:

Romans 10:13 “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved”

Romans 10:9 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

By His grace, God has done everything to provide for your salvation. Your part is simply to believe and receive.Therefore, I would encourage you to say yes today, pray this prayer out loud:

“Heavenly Father, I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me and rose again. I accept Jesus Christ to come into my life and into my heart, as my Lord and Saviour. Help me get to know you. In Jesus Name Amen.”

When you say this prayer of salvation and let Jesus into your life He can and will help you in ways that are above what you can ask or imagine. He loves you and adores you. I am so excited for you!

If you prayed this for the first time, let me know along with any questions X