What would I tell my younger self? “You were created on purpose for a purpose.”
Growing up, the extent of my understanding of identity was that I came from my Mum and Dad, they came from their Mum and Dad, so on and so forth.
My Mum and Dad separated before I was a year old. My Step-Mum then moved in with my Dad and my Mum moved in with the milkman (who became my Step-Dad).
It was a loving household and I have fantastic memories from my early childhood. People said I was lucky because I got two Christmas days and two birthday celebrations having Mum and Dad separate. But I did experience a level of confusion.
Obviously this became easier to discern as I grew up but I felt this niggly sense of being the odd one out.
My Dad had my two brothers with my Step-Mum. My Mum had my brother and sister with my Step-Dad. My siblings looked similar though I didn’t feel like I looked like anyone. I always felt loved by my family yet I still experienced feeling lonely and left out.
My Step-Dad sadly died when I was 12. My Dad and Step-Mum later split up.
My family as a whole then spent the following years dealing with pain, loss, grief, anger and disappointment in very different ways and over various time frames.
I struggled with many things, one of them being identity. I knew I was the daughter of Carolyn and Ian. I knew I was a sister. I knew I had a job in hairdressing and then healthcare. I knew I’d made some royal mistakes, had some harrowing regrets and had earned a reputation that I was not proud of. I flitted from man, job, hobby, thoughts on where i’ll end up, thoughts on my sexual orientation. I totally lacked a vision for my life. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t believe in God, though I didn’t believe we evolved from apes either. I didn’t care about my future. I couldn’t see how it would work out. I was bewildered and irritated at the idea of God. I was sleeping over every night at my own pity party.
I suffered with depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, guilt, shame and loss. I saw no purpose of me being on earth. I had no hope for the future. Every plan I had, I would either quit, it would fail or eventually go sour and end. Jobs, relationships, project or goals. I was up and down like a yo-yo and with every manic high came a low and my expectations eventually reached a default state of ‘hopeless.’
I didn’t want to be alive but was sad at the thought of my family having to deal with me ending my life.I was diagnosed ‘Emotionally unstable with cyclothymic personality traits, secondary depression and a mild eating disorder.’
Before I accepted Jesus, I was on an antipsychotic and antidepressant. I tried talking therapies, CBT, vitamins, meditation, different partners and consulting mediums in the hope of finding peace and purpose resulting in either no, little or temporary avail.
Deep down I believed I had cancer due to the global pain, heaviness and weakness I felt in my body. I thought, “This cannot just be from my mind.”
Fast forward to late 2014, I walk into a church (not for the first time, but for the first time with an open mind) and heard the truth about God. The truth about what Jesus did for me and you. That day I made the decision to accept Jesus into my life.
After hearing the good news that day and becoming born again, despite my thoughts and habits being the same, I felt something on the inside of me changed instantly.
I began to delve into The Bible for myself.
I started in the New Testament. I wrote out the books of the Bible in my own writing (bear in mind I had gone 24 years of my life opposing the idea of God and biblical prospects.) Despite the questions I had, which my Pastor and others kindly helped with, The Bible began to change my understanding.
I began reading what God says about who I am.
I came to learn:
I was uniquely handcrafted by God
Ephesians 2:10 (ESV) For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Psalm 139:14 (NLT) Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous- how well I know it.
Isaiah 64:8 (ESV) But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of Your hand.
I am a child of God
Galatians 3:26 (GNT) It is through faith that all of you are God's children in union with Christ Jesus.
John 1:12 (AMP) But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the right [the authority, the privilege] to become children of God, that is, to those who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) His name.
1 John 3:1 (AMP) See what an incredible quality of love the Father has shown to us, that we would [be permitted to] be named and called and counted the children of God!
I was made on purpose for a purpose
Ephesians 1:11 (AMP) In Him also we have received an inheritance [a destiny—we were claimed by God as His own], having been predestined (chosen, appointed beforehand) according to the purpose of Him who works everything in agreement with the counsel and design of His will.
Jeremiah 1:5 (MSG) Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you.
God has good plans for me, He is faithful and will help me fulfil them
Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV) For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
You will do everything you have promised; Lord, your love is eternal.
Isaiah 41:10 (AMP) Do not fear [anything], for I am with you; Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you; I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand [a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].
I am loved by God, unconditionally
Romans 5:8 (GNT) But God has shown us how much he loves us-it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!
1 John 4:16 (AMP) We have come to know [by personal observation and experience], and have believed [with deep, consistent faith] the love which God has for us.
Jeremiah 31:3 (NKJV) The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.”
I am forgiven (the slate is wiped clean)
Ephesians 1:7 (GNT) For by the blood of Christ we are set free, that is, our sins are forgiven. How great is the grace of God
Hebrews 10:17 (MSG) He concludes, I'll forever wipe the slate clean of their sins.
My past is behind me, I am a new creation
2 Corinthians 5:7 (ESV) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
I am healed
1 Peter 2:24 (GNT) Christ himself carried our sins in his body to the cross, so that we might die to sin and live for righteousness. It is by his wounds that you have been healed.
Isaiah 53:5 (AMP) But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our wickedness [our sin, our injustice, our wrongdoing];
The punishment [required] for our well-being fell on Him,
And by His stripes (wounds) we are healed.
I am righteous
2 Corinthians 5:21 (AMP) He made Christ who knew no sin to [judicially] be sin on our behalf, so that in Him we would become the righteousness of God [that is, we would be made acceptable to Him and placed in a right relationship with Him by His gracious loving-kindness].
I can overcome anything
Romans 8:37 (AMP) Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us [so much that He died for us].
Philippians 4:13 (GNT) I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me.
Mark 9:23 (AMP) Jesus said to him, “[You say to Me,] ‘If You can?’ All things are possible for the one who believes and trusts [in Me]!”
I have God -given gifts and talents
Romans 12:6-8 (GNT) So we are to use our different gifts in accordance with the grace that God has given us. If our gift is to speak God's message, we should do it according to the faith that we have; if it is to serve, we should serve; if it is to teach, we should teach; if it is to encourage others, we should do so. Whoever shares with others should do it generously; whoever has authority should work hard; whoever shows kindness to others should do it cheerfully.
I am never alone
Deuteronomy 31:8 (GNT) The Lord himself will lead you and be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you, so do not lose courage or be afraid.”
Joshua 1:9 (NKJV) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
I started to declare all these things. Personalising them as I said them.
I remember Terri Savelle Foy sharing in her teaching that you are what you say.
It says in The Bible in Proverbs 23:7," For as he thinks in his heart, so is he" so I made a point of swapping the negative declarations I habitually blurted out with words of life and truth and positivity.
When you continue to say, say, say, your mind eventually starts to see and before you know it your actions catch up with you.
Finally, for the first time, I was experiencing the true peace that comes from knowing God. A peace that surpasses all understanding. Confusion was replaced with clarity. I began sleeping and eating better. Not only did I feel different but people noticed a significant transformation. I later came off of all medication and was discharged from the Mental Health team. I’ve since had people describe me as being emotionally strong and stable! People I meet now cannot imagine that I was someone that suffered with my mental health. Praise God.
With hope and an understanding of who I really am, I’ve since been able to identify my gifts, talents and passions and doors have opened to fantastic opportunities. I’m on an exciting journey of doing what God has called me to do. I don’t always get it right, but He is walking hand In hand with me as I continue to walk forward.
I am not who I feel, I am not what abusers have called me. I am not what the enemy says or my mind says I am. I am who God says I am.
I am Laura, a child of God. A daughter of The King of Kings. I am blessed. Healed. Forgiven. Strong. Stable. Favoured. Accepted. Prosperous. Loved. Equipped. Protected. I am a helper of people. I am an encourager. I am a coach. I am destined for good things.
This isn’t just for me. This is for you too. Your true identity can be found in Christ. You were made on purpose for a purpose.
You are beautifully handcrafted. You are destined for success. You are wonderful, beautiful, worthy, accepted and so loved by God. Just as you are, right now.
I urge you today, let Jesus into your life. Let Him help you fulfil your God-given destiny.
If you would like to take that step today and accept Jesus into your life please continue to read.
The Bible says:
Romans 10:13 “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved”
Romans 10:9 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
By His grace, God has already done everything to provide salvation. Your part is simply to believe and receive.
Therefore I would encourage you to pray this prayer out loud:
“Heavenly Father, I believe that Jesus died on the cross for me and rose again. I accept Jesus Christ to come into my life and into my heart, as my Lord and Saviour. Help me get to know you. In Jesus Name Amen.”
When you say this prayer of salvation and let Jesus into your life He can and will do wonders. He loves you and adores you. I am so excited for you!
Let me know if you have said this prayer for the first time or you have any questions x
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